I am sick of these once in a lifetime dip buying opportunities

For years I've listened to everyone on financial Twitter tell me to "buy the dip."

So I did.

Every dip.

The inflation dip.

The rate hike dip.

The recession dip.

The tariff dip.

The banking crisis dip.

The AI bubble dip.

Now the Iran dip.

At this point my brokerage account looks like it got hit by a tactical nuke.

The only problem is nobody ever explained WHICH dip.

Because after years of buying dips, I opened my refrigerator today and realized I accidentally followed the advice better than anyone else.

My fridge is absolutely packed.

Hummus.

Salsa.

Guacamole.

French onion dip.

Spinach dip.

Queso.

Tzatziki.

I've got six different dips and somehow they're all outperforming my portfolio.

The hummus has shown more stability than my growth stocks.

The salsa has lower volatility than my options positions.

The guacamole is down less than my account this month.

If the market drops another 5%, I'm buying bean dip and calling it diversification.