r/valueinvesting
Why Did the Market Change Today? Nobody Knows
Satirical post mocking financial media's meaningless daily market explanations, absurd AI valuations, and brokers churning for commissions.
- AI companies are trading at absurd valuations with PE ratios at 67x.
- Daily market movements are driven by noise and meaningless media narratives rather than fundamentals.
The market rallied early without clear reason, CNBC blamed the money supply, while others cited poor people problems. The Dow declined late morning due to “profit-taking”—a meaningless phrase for we who don’t understand.
By midday, tech stocks surged—possibly from profit-taking—then sold off sharply, only to be immediately bought again. Overall, a typical day: advances outpaced declines 4-to-1; bonds remained dull; the Mets beat the cardinals 5-4; and Margo Robbies body measurements remained at 34–24–35.
Most of this story quotes so-called experts predicting the market maxing at 7,500. Reddit claims markets only rise, Bitcoin’s real founder shifted into gold last year, and the rest figure they will benefit from a correction. The AI companies (all of the companies) insist current valuations are more justified than ever, with PE ratios at 67 times higher. These outdated predictions are nonsense; if you’ve read this far, you’re probably nuts too.
Professional traders don’t need a $37,000 journalist to explain today’s event. Every prospectus will state for the next few quarters, “Past performance is no guarantee of future results” just like their statements from the last few quarters.
If Wall Street mostly sticks to long-run predictions, then who reads these daily updates? We asked your broker who blatently saying “Churning produces, creating customer activity, increases our income, we are all about that ‘paper’.”